Great Expectations
Without going into a biographical novel, this feels like a good place to (concisely) present where I come from and where I am.
I come from a working-class family, a family that has had its fair share of ups and downs, trials and tribulations. That said, I have had a relatively good and privileged life, that I recognise fully but hold no guilt or shame about. I know where I come from and I know where I’m going.
My dad has been self-employed for all of my life, he has provided an opportunity for me to see that you can have something to offer, skills and expertise and you can provide and live off your own hard work.
Me, I’ve been afraid of being self-employed ever since two bailiffs turned up on the day of my driving test, whilst I was cleaning out my Rover Metro on the drive.
The thought of people taking away my independence, leaving me penniless and powerless has always been (and still is) a real fear. On reflection now, that was definitely the moment I (ironically) thought employment was the safest way to live and earn a living.
Also, it isn’t until fairly recently that it dawned on me that I have always had two jobs, two feet in two camps, two baskets of eggs.
I have been employed in some shape or form for all of my career, especially whilst studying and striving to progress and develop. I’ve chased the funding in and been made redundant in the world of Youth Work, meanwhile always working in Specialist Education and then also with the new bow to my CV string, Counselling.
Through my counselling training, at Temenos, in Sheffield and whilst also accessing personal therapy, I discovered that a condition of worth of mine, is that I only feel valuable when people need me.
Anyway, back to my warped notion that employment was safe. When I examined how I operate, this fear combined with my condition of worth played into me stifling my own creativity and potential.
Frustration and resentment has built up in me for years before realising that I’m standing in my own way and have been for a while.
I decided in February/March 2024 to resign from my employed role working as a SEMH Outreach Specialist, working for, with and in schools, as for various reasons this work no longer aligned with my ethos, approach and values. Currently the education system is a microcosm of society and reflects many things we experience within our culture.
I am now dedicating myself to the people that I work with, work with me and not who I work for.
I decided to fully commit and no longer lean into the fear, instead taking a leap of faith into it and move to be fully self-employed in Private Practice.
I know my worth and If I don’t show up for me, how can I expect anyone else to…
